My first day in the ICU was nauseating. I hardly slept the night before, I had to run to the bathroom every hour, every beep, ping, and alarm I heard certainly meant imminent death. On the surface I tried to exude eager-to-learn confidence as I worked with my mentor, but inside I was a roiling disaster.
I was completely overwhelmed at the sight of my first patient. A mystifying tangle of lines, poles almost groaning with numerous IV bags as though they were overburdened apple trees. Tubes going in and out of all orifices, every fluid our human bodies produce being collected, measured and scrutinized. So many monitors displaying so many waveforms, each one telling a “live action” story of the various pressures and frequencies our bodies depend upon to maintain life.
Perhaps the most intimidating tube and machine to the ICU neophyte is the endotracheal tube and the ventilator. The endotracheal tube that protects the vulnerable airway of a person unable to maintain their own, attached to the machine that provides each breath to a specific volume, frequency or rate. All the sickest people have one, and my biggest fear was to dislodge it by accident! This tube and machine represent so much to families. It is the most obvious sign their loved one is ill: A big, plastic tube jutting out of their mouth that is attached to a giant machine at the bedside. When people hear the phrase ‘pulling the plug’ it is the ventilator plug they imagine being pulled out from the wall.
Anyhow, my first day in the ICU was intimidating, and yet amid all the loud noises, distracting tubesand monitors, there is a person who needs my help. My attentiveness, critical thinking, care and advocacy. That is what didn’t scare me off that first day. That and the adrenaline thrill of it all!
Sometimes I wonder...
I See You, RN 